What is Sibling Rivalry?
The most common sibling rivalries are frayed tempers, frowning faces, stuck-out tongues, name-calling, and hair-pulling. This natural part of development in children with siblings can be disastrous for the family if it reaches an extreme. Here, we will discuss briefly about “sibling rivalry“.
Sibling Rivalry meaning & causes.
Rivalry is inherent to human nature. To prove one’s superiority and to feel jealous of others’ achievements are two traits from which no human mind is exempt; only the intensity of these feelings differs from individual to individual.
In a way, sibling rivalry starts from the moment of news that a new family member is on the way. In this case, the elder child, who has been the center of attention in the family until then, suddenly finds himself relegated to the second spot. He sees a tiny tot, who doesn’t even know what it is doing, hog all attention.
As the new baby grows, she sees the elder sibling as somebody ‘powerful’ and ‘skillful’ at things that she cannot do. These two conflicting perspectives of elder and younger siblings and the social compulsion of having to stay together and share everything including parental love and attention-forms the basis of sibling rivalry.
The personalities of siblings play an important role. Fussy children, who get easily frustrated or aggressive are more likely to engage in such conflicts. Here, family environment is another important determinant. Parents who show overt favoritism amongst their children based on gender, appearance, or achievement, those who frequently have arguments or fights, and those who fail to devote enough time and attention to their children are more likely to face this problem.
Two brothers create sibling rivalry.
In the early years, siblings fight over things like toys or sometimes for a father’s lap or a mother’s breast. As they grow older, the rivalry takes a different course. There might be conflicts overusing shared things like a room, books, television, or computer. These are negative remarks passed on each other’s appearances, achievements, or friends.
How to stop sibling rivalry?
Preparing the elder children for the arrival of the new baby is the first step in managing the problem of sibling rivalry. Let the child know well in advance (by the second trimester) about the delivery. Encourage him to voice his views and concerns. If you are comfortable with the idea, let him ‘see’ the baby during ultrasound tests or let them ‘feel’ the baby’s kicking.
Emphasize the first child’s ‘big brother’ or ‘big sister’ role and role in caring for and protecting the young baby. Reassure him that your love for him is not any less. At the same time, also tell him that the mother would be busy looking after the small baby for some time. She would find it difficult to give him the same time and attention.
Be prepared to face the child’s negative remarks about siblings (‘He is not nice!’ ‘She is ugly!”) and about your parenting (“You are unfair!”). Remember that these remarks come from children who are not yet emotionally mature.
Make your child understand the concept of family. Don’t physically injure (pinching or hitting) or yell at the other child. Make both children appreciate each other’s good points. Never indulge in comparisons between the children. It ensures that your attention, affection, and appreciation are equally distributed.
How to fix sibling rivalry?
Don’t take sides in a sibling fight. Firmly make both children understand that what they are doing is wrong. So, give them time to cool off and then make them shake hands or give them a shared activity.
If sharing common things is the problem area, set a timetable to share things like toys, games, television time, or computer time.
At younger ages, serious sibling rivalry may manifest itself as temper tantrums, play-acting as a baby (baby talk, crawling, crying for bottle or breastfeeding, etc.), bed wetting, stammering, or withdrawn and depressed mental states.
Most of these manifestations are manageable by parents showing more understanding, patience, and affection. If they persist, the family needs expert guidance from a child psychologist or psychiatrist.
Sibling rivalry treatment
The key to solving this problem is for you to understand. Then make your children understand that everyone has one’s strengths and weaknesses. So, you must use your strengths and overcome your weaknesses to succeed in life instead of comparing yourself to someone else. Feelings of jealousy and rivalry are not unnatural. So, we have to use them as spurs to try harder and reach higher. Don’t suck into the whirlpool of despair and dejection.